this mama needs some sleep!

i promise i'm still alive! it's been a draining few days... i can't really pinpoint why because we haven't done a lot, it's just been draining. one of the main contributing factors is probably because allie has decided she doesn't want to sleep through the night anymore. uggg.... i've been a bad parent and have just been giving her a bottle and putting her back down since that usually gets her back to sleep. i know this is just me being lazy and i need to let her soothe (if you can call it that) herself back to sleep on her own, but oh. my. goodness. that is so much easier said than done. i know a lot of people have their own preferences and opinions on how things should be done and that's fine, we all have to do what works best for us and what we are most comfortable with. when madison started waking up at night we let her cry it out and she usually cried for about 30 minutes or so (maybe a little longer) if my memory is correct, then she would eventually go to sleep. this only lasted for a few days. thank goodness because it kills me to listen to them crying. i feel like i am being a horrible mother, but it does work and there's nothing horrible about it, they just have to learn that we're not going to come running every time they cry.

anyway... i've known that i've needed to do this with allie for quite a while instead of giving her a bottle as a crutch. like i said, it was mainly for me. i got up, gave her a bottle and was back in bed within 10 minutes and all was well. well, that just hasn't cut it anymore. as soon as i lay her back down she cries, and cries, and cries, and well you get where this is going. so i figured now was as good a time as any to let her cry it out. my goodness that girl is stubborn and has some lungs on her. dang genes!

i'm going to go in a different direction here for a second and then we'll get back to the crying. as i said earlier we let madison cry it out. well, that was when we were in the condo and her room was at the other end from where our room was. so, it wasn't like it was right in our ears. well, i'm deaf and brandon could get back to sleep without it bothering him. i just made sure the monitor was on and turned down then i watched the little red lights go up and down until she fell asleep, then i would get up and turn the monitor up to where i could here it if she woke up again.

okay, back to the crying... in the new house allie's room happens to be right across the hall from ours and as i mentioned she has a set of lungs on her. luckily madison could sleep through a train coming through the house so no issue there, but it is loud for brandon. it doesn't really bother me too much because again, i'm deaf and as long as i can see the monitor we're good. but this just isn't working for brandon. so since i was so determined to let her cry it out last night and not pick her up i ended up going in her room and just rubbing her back and her face until she would start to drift off then i would try to sneak away and hope she would go to sleep. the kid can hear everything! i mean, as i leaned back to stand up she would wake up, so then i would lay her down and repeat the rubbing and shh-sing, this happened about 76 times and i think i fell asleep standing a couple of times and then found myself draped over the side of the crib half asleep a few times but she was awake and good because she could see me standing right there. i refused to pick her up though. i managed to sneak out at last but as soon as i made it into our room, well there she went again. at this point i'm on the verge of tears, sleep deprived and brandon's in the basement. i ended up just watching the monitor in bed until she fell asleep. i am not kidding you, she cried from 3:40am to 5:20am, no joke. so that's why i haven't been in the "blogging" mood lately.

i don't know what i am going to do, i've been feeding her more and we've done the motrin thing in case of teething. you would think that since she's not sleeping at night she's taking long naps in the daytime and i can rest or get things done right? wrong! i'm lucky if she sleeps a total of an hour all day. it's like she's on a sleep strike and it's killing this mama!!! you would think they would want to sleep. as kids we hated naps right?? now as an adult i would kill for some sleep..... why is this?

if anyone has some advice please feel free to offer it, i'm up for anything.

aaannnndddd on a completely different note. i've also been slowing working on another little something that i can't wait to tell you about, it's not anything to do with the house either, it's sort of an investment, are you curious?